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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557866">Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve been saved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AjskPopp/pseuds/AjskPopp'>AjskPopp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dave is fucking depressed, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Sadstuck, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:21:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,562</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557866</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AjskPopp/pseuds/AjskPopp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve been saved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s so fucking painful. </p><p>Pain is supposed to be temporary right? It’s only supposed to last a short while and then slip away, right? There’s so many things you could do, you could take, it’s not supposed to-<br/>
It’s...it’s supposed to-<br/>
THEN WHY THE HELL WONT IT STOP<br/>
You clutch your throbbing head in between your two shaky hands, the nervous sweat on your palms causing your blonde hair to dampen in between your fingers into a small clump. </p><p>Your knees are pressed tightly to your chest, it rising and falling rapidly with your unsteady and quick heart rate.<br/>
You move your hands from your temples down to your face, quickly disposing your noire black aviator shades into the wall on the opposite side of your bedroom.<br/>
They slink to the floor with a small “clank”.<br/>
You swipe your wrist angrily across your irritated eyes, ridding of any tears that made their way out.<br/>
But more just continue to stream and roll down your flushed cheeks and onto your knees.</p><p>You let out a frustrated muffled scream into your palms, moving your face away from them quickly again to suck in some fresh cold air and flop back into the wall your bed was pushed up against.<br/>
You look back down at the bright glinting phone staring back up at you.</p><p>TG: im so sorry<br/>
TG: i cant do this<br/>
TG: dont take this too hard please, it’s not your fault, it’s no ones fault</p><p>That was a big fat fucking lie.<br/>
And telling him to not take it too hard?<br/>
If one of your friends fell suddenly off the face of the earth, you’d care.<br/>
Wouldnt you? </p><p>TG: John you’re a really great friend you know that<br/>
TG: and I’m glad we got to be friends when we did</p><p>Now that you think about it, John may not even notice, he might as well forget. He’s got so many better things to be doing with his life than hyperfocusing on the death of one fucking person.<br/>
Someone who doesn’t matter anyway.</p><p>EB: Dave? Dave what the hell are you talking about..</p><p>You stare blankly down at the shining screen, the hot glistening tears rolling down your cheeks visible from the corners of your eyes. </p><p>EB: Dave talk to me</p><p>And you did. You said all that was needed to be said.<br/>
And now you’re moving on with your night, preparing yourself for what comes next.</p><p> </p><p>Your name is Dave Strider, and tonight you’re going to kill yourself. </p><p> </p><p>You breathe heavily through your dry parted lips, hot quick air making its way out of your mouth. You lick your chapped lips, reaching for the tool laying on the bedspread next to you.<br/>
The key.<br/>
They exit.</p><p>You fumble with the small object in your shaking fingers, dropping it a few times before finally getting a grasp on the metal.<br/>
ITS GOING TO FINALLY STOP</p><p>You lay your messy head up against the cold bedroom wall behind you, raising your right arm to rest on your knee, wrist facing upwards.<br/>
Your heart rate picks up even quicker, and you feel yourself start to cry harder. You even consider wussing out.<br/>
The soft smooth clean skin practically winked up at you, urging you on. </p><p>You aren’t sure exactly how sharp the razor is, not having used it yet, so you decide to make a few testing slits on your upper arm to toy with the pressure.<br/>
You gently lay the metal against the hard of your skin.<br/>
You close your eyes and slowly drag it across your arm, clenching your teeth and squeezing your eyes shut as the hot searing pain grabs at you almost immediately.<br/>
Yeah maybe slow isn’t the best idea.</p><p>You glance down at the mark you’ve just made on your arm, a hard wave of serotonin hitting you over the head when you notice the small bubbles of blood rising from the cut to the surface of the skin, then flowing smoothly down your forearm and onto your pants.<br/>
It’s not a big cut, but it’s one enough to bleed, wouldn’t leave much of a mark though.</p><p>You try again on the lower part of your arm.</p><p>You move to press the slick sharp metal back to your skin when your phone bings at you again.</p><p> </p><p>EB: Dave, if you don’t answer me I’m going to come over there myself and see what’s happening. I need to know you’re okay</p><p>You growl loudly at the message, using a swift swing of your foot to kick the phone off your bed, it sliding away from you and onto the carpeted floor. </p><p>He wouldn’t come after you, I’m sure he thinks your pranking him or something. He’ll just wait for you to come around and text him again.</p><p>That was always how you were taken.<br/>
As a fucking joke.<br/>
No matter what you did to imply, put out there, send signals, it always came off to everyone as a dark joke.<br/>
No one believed you when you said you were hurt.<br/>
So you played it off as so.<br/>
You used humor as a coping mechanism, constantly working up jokes and pranks to hide the fact that beneath it all, under all of those fake smiles and giddy laughs.<br/>
You were fucking screaming.<br/>
You were terrified.</p><p>You groaned loudly again, anger bubbling quickly inside of your aching churning stomach. You push the razor into your skin and swipe it away quickly, your skin almost immediately covering in the slick blood.<br/>
The warm crimson liquid ran down your skin, ceasing to stop anytime you gently pressed your bedsheet to it to test it.<br/>
You just spread blood everywhere like an idiot. </p><p>You know how deep you’d have to go. </p><p>You turn your head a bit to glance at the half open blinds above the headboard of your bed, the soft yet blinding white glow of the moon twinkling down at you.<br/>
You smile at it, letting it’s light wash over your shaking body.<br/>
You’ll be up there soon, you’ll be able to reach out and feel the warmth of that light.<br/>
It’s so comforting.<br/>
You feel more hot tears roll down your cheeks as you stare into the light, for the first time in a long time, with your bare eyes.<br/>
It almost hurts, but you don’t mind.<br/>
Pain is fuckin temporary right.<br/>
Wrong.<br/>
You look back down at your bleeding arm, the blood soaked on your pants reminding you of the task at hand.<br/>
Oh yeah, I was fucking killing myself, how could I forget.</p><p>You take a heavy inhale and release it loudly, trying to calm your body as much as possible for what was about to happen. It’ll all be over soon, and nothing will matter anymore.<br/>
The pain will be gone.<br/>
You raise your just a bit less shaky hand to your upper wrist, angling the exit downwards, closing your eyes slowly, pushing more tears out. Your body goes almost completely numb and tingly as your head blocks everything out, left alone with only your own thoughts.<br/>
Pull it.<br/>
Drag it.<br/>
You’ve got this.<br/>
You’re so close just do it.<br/>
Do it!<br/>
JUST FUCKING DO IT WHAT ARE YOU WAITI-</p><p>“OH..O-OH FUCK...Dave! DAVE!! LOOK AT ME DAVE!” </p><p>You jerk heavily from your deep trance as you realize you no longer have a blade to your wrist.<br/>
Instead theres a hand.<br/>
You’re being held.</p><p>“...J...John...”</p><p>“DAVE!!...D-Dave what the hell-“ he chokes out through sobs and sniffles.<br/>
He has his arms wrapped around you, his hands on your wrists, your back pressed up against his chest as he holds you so tight you think you’ll lose your breath. </p><p>You-...you were almost gonna be free.<br/>
You...</p><p>You wanna scream. You wanna kick and yell and smash your head against the nearest fucking wa-</p><p>You can’t even get yourself to move, much less say anything other than Johns name.<br/>
You stare over at the phone you kicked onto your floor, the screen still looking back at you, staring you right through the eyes.</p><p>EB: I’m on my way.</p><p>You look up from the text and stare straight at the dark wall, your senses slowly but surely slipping back to you, the sounds of Johns weeping and babbling coming to you, hitting you right in the heart and you feel your chest cave in. </p><p>“Dave I’m so s-so sorry... I couldn’t...”<br/>
He cant keep ahold of himself.<br/>
“I couldn’t see that..I-I c-couldn’t see you w-were hurting. Y-you needed h-help..and I-“</p><p>“John..”</p><p>He shuts up quickly, sucking in a breath of air. </p><p>You sit up on your knees and lean forward, pressing into his arms to get him to let go. He’s hesitant for a moment, but complies and lets you shift around.<br/>
You turn on your knees to face him, staring him straight into his blue glistening eyes with your own deep red pained ones. </p><p>He reaches out for you slowly and you practically fall into his grasp, shoving your face into his shirt and wrapping your arms around his torso.</p><p>You start to shake heavily again as tears start quickly making their way out of your eyes, your hands taking bunches of Johns shirt into your grasp.</p><p>“I’m so f-fucking...John...”</p><p>And you let it all out. </p><p> </p><p>Your name is Dave Strider, and you’ve been saved.</p>
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